Finding Ways to Fill the Hole

When I begin this journey, I believed, hoped and prayed it would be short...but as the days, months and years have gone by...it has gotten longer and longer.  I have found that I have got to find a way to fill the hole that is in my heart. The gap that is in my life that can only be filled by our future family.

Over the last few years, we have been fortunate enough to make some wonderful close friends who have children, and spending time with them as their "Aunt Em and Uncle Will" has helped to fill this hole in my heart. But I as time has marched on I have felt propelled that there is more I want...and if our time is not coming to a close yet on this journey, I need to find a way to fulfill this gap.  It wasnt very long ago that I was speaking with my acupuncturists and she shared with me a story that she had heard about David Bowie, and his wife Iman and their struggles they had had with infertility. They had struggled for several years, and Iman told the story that it took two blondes to get her pregnant, "David Bowie and Christie Brinkley".  Iman further explained that in Somalian culture they say that if you have trouble getting pregnant that you should hold a baby all day long, so Christie Brinkley handed her her baby, Sailor, and sure enough she got pregnant.  This story was such an inspiration to me, that I begin to wonder maybe I should consider volunteering working with children..perhaps that could help to fill this hole I have in my heart.

I looked into volunteering at the hospital being a snuggler for the babies in the NICU.  I immediately contacted the hospital and inquired about the possibility. Of course the waitlist for this opportunity is VERY long.  But then, the woman with whom I was speaking with, indicated that there were several other organizations in town that had opportunities to work with children.  So I reached out to several of them, and met with one in particular that spoke deeply to my heart. Its called the Relief Nursery. It is for children who are in at risk families.  I worked my first shift last week, as a volunteer in the classroom with the 2 year olds, and I have to admit. It totally gave me my kid fix! Spending time with these children with whom are in difficult family situations was so rewarding and was definitely filled the hole in my heart.  I am looking forward to my next volunteer shift, when I get to spend 3 hours snuggling with these very special children who want nothing more than to be loved and to play. It really is the best of all worlds.

I do not know what the future will hold for us...we are a few weeks out from starting our next round of fertility treatments which will involve daily injections which will be a bit scary, but in the meantime, I will continue to remain faithful to God's will and our journey is for a reason, AND I will look forward to my Thursday mornings at the Relief Nursery where I get to play and interact with children who really need me. Which is a feeling I need right now!