Thank You

I have to admit..I was absolutely petrified of writing and posting my blog of my very personal feelings and journey...but you know when you feel propelled to do something, as if God is speaking directly to your heart nudging you to do it....thats how I felt.  For months, I had in a funk...one could even say depressed. The magnitude of all in my life that felt like was going wrong had come to a head over the holiday season.  There is something about getting christmas cards that is terribly depressing for someone that is going through fertility issues. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE seeing all of my friends adorable children...but it is also extremely hard... to see their adorable children. Its just hard.  I knew that I was not feeling myself, wanting to sleep a bit more, crying more often (it could also been all the hormones!)...but the icing on the cake came when I was walking thru Target one day, I was looking at sheets and heard a tiny little newborn baby cry. I immediately burst into tears, right there in the middle of Target. I tried to hide it but I know people were staring at me as I pushed my cart as fast as I could to the other end of the store..but that was the moment I knew..I needed to find a way to channel all of this emotion and hurt that I had pent up inside.  I have kept a prayer journal for some time during my spinal surgery journey as well as our fertility issues. Writing in that has been very helpful, but I felt like I needed to write more, someplace more publicly. After the last failed IUI, I finally felt like it was time to put it all out there..so after some consultation with several friends on good blog titles (Thank you Jessica for helping me :)) I just did it. I sat down and word vomited all my feelings... it FELT SO GOOD.  For the first time in a long time, I felt so at peace. That was when I knew that I had done the right thing.

Over the past couple days I have been absolutely BLOWN away by the positive response I have received from posting the blog.  Thank you all that have sent me text messages, Facebook messages, etc.  I do not feel so alone anymore. It is comforting to know that there are so many people out there that like me struggled to have a child.  Our journey is still uncertain, which is so scary, but knowing that I no longer have to walk this path so alone, is comforting.  THANK YOU!