Third time is the Charm?!

Today marks my 6 week mark for my 3rd surgery in 3 years.  This time it was a procedure called occipital nerve decompression.  Its a relatively new approach for helping migraine sufferers to find answers to long term chronic migraines that just won't break and go away. I am thankful because the doctor who suggested that I get this surgery is no longer practicing, and the only surgeon that performs this surgery is only 45 mins from my house.  Many neurosurgeons do not perform the surgeon because its not a "big enough" operation to go into the operation room. But luckily the surgeon near me does, because he sees the need for it,  and because it SEEMS to WORK! I do not yet know the long term effects, but so far, I have only had two days of a minor migraine (of which I TOTALLY had a PTSD panic attack), and a few minor headaches. This surgery will not cure me FOREVER of migraines, but it has stopped the horrid migraine cycle that I was stuck in since March 2016. My recovery has been relatively easy compared to the last two spinal surgeries, some significant surgical pain (the surgery was done on the back of my head at the base of my neck..if you want pictures send me a private message on FB..happy to share!) so its pretty painful, but nothing in comparison to the daily searing pain I was living with prior to the surgery. We are hopeful and prayerful that this last surgery...my third surgery will be the charm and will allow me to return to a somewhat normal life again. Will it ever be what I had before...NO...and I have accepted that. But can it still be wonderful, YES! There is a good possibility that I will live in pain for the rest of my life, even on the slightest level, and I am coming to terms with that, it has taken me some time..a lot of tears, and prayer. 

So now that I am feeling somewhat back to me, my husband and I had the conversation the other night about when do we start going forward with the the fertility stuff again. When we last left it in March of this year, we were going forward with IUI with gonadatrophins and had already purchased the medicine to do this. This last health stuff with me set us back another 7 months, which when I was 25 was not a big deal...but guys..guess what I am almost 37...37...GOSH that sounds so old. I know in retrospect it is not, but in baby making years it is. 

Months ago before the surgery we had discussed selling the medicine and not even going forward with any fertility. It was clear my body could not handle any more stress. We would just move forward with adoption or some other way to start our family. But now that I am on the other side of this, I have been praying to God, and asking him to lead me where he wants me to be, and if it is for us to go forward with this fertility treatments somehow let me know. I would be fine with letting it go if that was his wishes and plans, and lets be honest my body has been through SO much these last three years, its hard to imagine going forward with pumping myself full of hormones and then the possibility of having multiples..its A LOT for a healthy woman.  

A few weeks ago, when I was just 3 weeks out of surgery and still in surgical pain, I had looking for something under the bed, and found THE medicine, stored neatly in its box...I sat and cried for a good hour.  I knew right then, I was not ready to close the door on trying to have a baby of my own.  For us, IVF was NEVER on the table..EVER..we had decided that it was TOO expensive and we just couldn't do that..if we did anything we would do IUI with gonadatrophins and then  move towards adoption.  But one day..out of NOWHERE, I had this over whelming urge and sense that we HAD to do IVF.  LIKE we HAVE TO TRY IT.  Since that day, I have been at such peace about IVF..and I even had a conversation with my good friend (who is also struggling with fertility who is getting ready to start IVF with the same doctor no less!), and we begin talking about, and all of the sudden, it didn't seem SO scary, or SO expensive (don't get me wrong..its the cost of a new car!). But I get the feeling we are SUPPOSE to try..and if God wants us to try..then we HAVE to try.

Since our decision to discuss this with our doctor, we have made a phone consult with our doctor which we will have sometime next week to discuss all the ins and outs.  I am still unsure how we will pay for it..and to be honest I don't care..we will find a way! Hopefully I will have good news soon to share!